Perhaps Not
by DanniGirl91
Summary: Sequel to Hate Passion Fury and Love Perhaps. Since coming back from Canada, things have not been going well with Sonny. With her music, show demands, and a distant Chad, she decides to take a vacation to clear her mind. Or so she thinks..
1. Chapter 1

Sonny sat by herself in the dressing room she shared with Tawni, strumming absentmindedly on her guitar and looking out the window. Things the past couple of days hadn't been going so well, what with Chad distancing himself from her for God knows what reasons and Marshall demanding more and more of her musical talents on the show. She was just tired.

Just when she thought she had gotten a few moments of peace and quiet, time to sit alone and think about what needed to be thought of, Tawni came barrelling through the door and made Sonny jump.

"There you are! I've been looking all over the place for you!", Tawni said, sitting down next to Sonny on the floor and grabbing a cushion from the chair. "Still not feeling too well?" This was the excuse Sonny had been giving Tawni lately, as the blonde seemed to become more and more in tune with Sonny's emotions.

"Yep. Plus, I am tired of writing for the sake of writing and not because I feel it, you know?" But the blank look on her friend's face told her that she didn't know. "It's like your comedy. You can't just come up with something hilarious on command, you need to feel inspired, to give it a second's thought." When Tawni's eyes lit up in the way they did when she understood, Sonny set her guitar down on her lap and smiled.

"I'm sure if you told Marshall that, he'd understand."

"I'm not so sure of that. I mean, the past couple of weeks, bringing music to the show has made our ratings higher even than Mackenzie Falls. I don't want to disappoint. I have a couple of ideas up my sleeve, but I just need a change of atmosphere or something..." When Sonny trailed off, looking down at the strings of her worn guitar, she felt the gaze of her friend and looked up. "What?"

"Well, if you need a change of atmosphere, a little inspiration, why don't you head on over to The Falls?", Tawni replied, a little hint of mischief in her voice. But Sonny shook her head sadly, placing her chin gently in her hand and sighed.

"There's something wonky going on with Chad. He's been pulling away a little lately, and I think I need to give him some space. It seems like every moment that I am not here working on comedy or my music, I'm with Chad, working on a 'doomed-from-the-start relationship'," said Sonny, picking up the tabloid she bought that day at the supermarket.

"Of all the people to fall victim to that trash, I thought you would be the last, Sonny", said Tawni, ripping the magazine from Sonny's hands and throwing it across the room. "But, if you think it's space he needs, then give him space. Just," and at that, she looked around the room, as if looking for the words she wanted to say. When nothing came to her, she sighed helplessly, "take some time off or something. Work on you. You keep giving and giving. Why don't you take?"

Sonny almost laughed with surprise at her friend's request, but when she saw that the blonde was serious, she stopped and her mouth dropped open. But the more she thought about it, the more she noticed that the blonde was right. For the past seven months since she got back from Canada, Sonny had been working, on both So Random and The Falls, been recently writing music for the show, and less for herself, and spent every remaining moment with Chad. She slowly nodded.

"Yeah. Yeah, I think you're right. I think I need to take a little vacation, maybe this weekend. I need to figure things out on my own before I move forward to figuring things out with other people. Thanks Tawni."

"No problem, Sonny. I just really want you to feel better so that our next song will be even bet-", but at the startled and angry look Sonny was giving her, Tawni closed her mouth and shrugged sheepishly. "Never mind."

--

"What do you mean, you're not going to be here the rest of the week?", boomed Marshall's voice. Sonny flinched, not expecting the outburst. Marshall was usually calm, nice even for a boss. This was a new side of him Sonny had never come across before.

"I haven't been feeling well for over a week now, and I think I am at my breaking point. Look, I know Nico and Grady have been working extra hard on this new idea for a skit, so why don't you let them show it to you and add it in where my song was supposed to go. And, Portlyn is guest-starring this week, so you have that extra person to fill in for me in group sketches. It's not my turn for an individual one. And, as for the song.." and Sonny started shuffling her feet at this. If Marshall was mad before, it did not compare to how mad he was about to get. "I haven't come up with one. I don't know what's going on. I think I am not just not into the song writing from not feeling too well. I assure you though-", she added, seeing his face turn more and more red with every word she said, "-that when I get back, I will have a whole line up of ideas for songs, and one fully written one, ready and rearing to go for next week."

"Sonny, this isn't like school, where you can go home sick. This is your job, this is a hit tv show!"

"I know, I know. But, I can't do this right now. I am not feeling well, and I can't write anymore, and I am just.. just so confused about EVERYTHING!", and at that, Sonny fell into a clump in the chair across from Marshall's desk, and cried.

"Sonny? Sonny, look sweetie, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be harsh, but you gotta understand, this is Hollywood. You aren't in Wisconsin anymore. Besides, it's not only our fans who are expecting you to sing on the next show. There are record labels who have been watching you, listening to your sound and deciding if you're right for them. And there is more than one interested. If you all of a sudden stop, then they will all of a sudden stop paying attention," came a much more soothing Marshall voice, one that Sonny recognized more.

"Record labels?", Sonny asked through the tears. Marshall nodded and handed her a box of tissues.

"Listen, here's what we'll do. We will close the set for this week's episode. Nico and Grady will do their new sketch, funny or not, we will continue with Portlyn, and we have some rehearsal footage of the new Check It Out Girls sketch that is perfect. We will edit that into an episode, and air it. It will be different, but if you need time, we will give you time."

Sonny nodded, smiling as the tears dried up and she got out of the chair. "Thanks, Marshall."

As she put her arms around the older gentleman, he sighed and whispered, "But don't take too much time."

--

Sonny's hands shook as she typed out the text she had practiced and edited many times for Chad.

Chad, Gone away for the weekend. Need time to think. Please don't try contacting me. Sonny xo

Sonny hated sounding cliche and over dramatic, but the only way this was going to work was if she tried doing it on her own. When she left the set, her guitar in it's case in her trunk and blank sheet music in a folder beside her, she was dead set on taking this journey alone. She knew the perfect place to head to, a place where inspiration was sure to hit, as well as many memories.

It took her a matter of minutes back at her place to pack up a bag of old, comfortable clothes and some other knick knacks, like a sketchpad and her fully charged iPod. It was convincing her mom to let her go that deemed to be the problem.

"Mom, it's one weekend. It's not a lifetime. Besides, it's not like you don't know the place," Sonny urged, shoving toiletries into her little case and throwing that on top of new magazines her mom had bought her just that day.

"What do you mean, it's not like I don't know the place? We've never been to Oregon!"

"We have. Once. Don't you remember? Don't you remember who lives there?"

"No. No I-", but as realization hit, Sonny's mom's face fell, and she sat on the couch. "You are going to visit your dad's parents?"

"Not necessarily. They offered me a room if I ever need it, and I need it mom. I really, really need it," Sonny pleaded, her eyes locking with her mothers, the same shades of brown meeting, understanding passing between them.

"Fine. Go. But, call me once you get there and once you are set to come home. I want you back Sunday afternoon at the latest. You promised Marshall you'd be back at work Monday," came her mother's voice. Sonny didn't know if she detected resignation in there, or if she imagined it. Deciding to ignore it, she pulled her luggage strap over her shoulder and headed for the door. "Love you, hunnie!"

"Love you too, mom."

Once Sonny was in the car, bag beside her luggage case and her iPod plugged into the stereo system, some good old classic tunes filling up the empty atmosphere of her car, she let her foot off the brake and drove off. Settling into the seat, and adjusting the sunglasses on her nose, Sonny just hoped something, anything, would come of this journey other than more awkwardness.

--

a/n: I'm back. With a sequel. I did say that once the second season of SWAC aired, I might become more inspired. So, here we are. I am so glad they are including her music now. SO GLAD. That leaves so many possibilities...

-Danni P.S. Please review. I'd like to know if this is worth continuing or not :)


	2. Chapter 2

Pulling into a gas station just down the road from where she checked into a hotel room for the night, Sonny pulled out her cellphone and noticed her three missed calls and five text messages, most of whom from Chad. She sighed and thought about it before tossing the cell into the back seat of her car and filling up the tank. Ignoring him was the hardest thing about this trip, but Sonny had convinced herself that the space was for the better.

An hour later, all washed up and ready for bed, guitar and pencil with a notepad in front of her, Sonny tried to concentrate on music, on anything that came to her. But, nothing would. Her mind was still full of images of Chad's polite, but insincere smiles and Marshall's demanding tone. Frustrated, she pushed her guitar away and pulled her knees to her chest, fingering her phone's buttons as she tried to figure out what to do. The red numbers of the clock beside her shabby hotel bed read 9:43, and she wasn't anywhere near tired yet.

Absentmindedly punching in the numbers to her mom's cellphone, she pulled the electronic device to her ear and listened to the dial tone. On the second ring, her mother answered.

"Sonny? Oh Sonny, good!," her mother sounded relieved, almost on the verge of tears.

"What is it mom?"

"It's just.. well, I was worried is all. This is a long drive honey. You've never done this before, and.. it's a mom's right to get worried you know," she said, voice relaxing a little as it took on a more motherly tone. At the sound of her mother's voice, Sonny's heart rate slowed and her patience, which had been growing mighty thin before, increased tenfold.

"You have nothing to worry about, mom. I am an excellent driver and I know the way there. I searched the directions online, and then memorized it. So any chances of me getting lost are few and far between."

"Have you called them yet? To let them know you're coming?," asked her mom curiously, and although she was trying her hardest to remain innocent, Sonny could detect the scepticism in her tone.

"No. I am going to just go. I remember the neighbourhood and what the house looks like. The last thing I remember gram and gramps telling me was that I was welcome back anytime. Well mom, my anytime is now," Sonny replied, picking at a loose strand on her blanket beneath her. She waited patiently for her mother to reply, and it seemed like an eternity passed before she did.

"Okay. I'm just a bit nervous of what they'll say. I mean, a lot has happened between then and now and..," and her mother trailed off. But where she went silent, Sonny could fill in the spaces. Sonny had only been thinking the same thing for the past six hours of driving.

Between tricking herself into believing that every vibration was a car noise rather than her cellphone going off and that she was not making a fool out of herself going to see grandparents who barely knew her, who she barely knew, Sonny had ample time to question her every move, to hesitate at the side of the roads and deliberate turning back. But now she was half way and there was no turning back now.

"You know what, mom? I'm getting really tired, you know- driving all day and all. I think I am going to get some sleep so I have enough energy to hit the road again early tomorrow morning. I love you and promise to call you when I get there, okay?"

"Okay, Sonny. Good night and good luck," her mother breathed, and Sonny was sure she heard some sign of sadness in her voice. Ignoring all indications of hesitation, from both her and her mother, Sonny set her guitar back in it's case and crawled under the stiff covers, prepared for a night lacking of sleep and ample in questioning thought.

--

Knocking on the big wooden door in front of her, Sonny tried to ignore the rumbling of her hungry stomach and the pain in her shaking legs. It had been a long day on the road to complete her journey, starting bright and early at eight am, after a night of virtually no sleep. All nerves had left her and what remained was a need to sit down and get a glass of water.

Sonny blatantly ignored the empty driveway that led down to the pebbled side road she'd taken in, as well as the lack of lights on in the house. She forced herself to stand up straight to give off a good impression, but after the third knock, she just couldn't take it anymore. Letting out a frustrated grunt, Sonny sat down right in front of the door and closed her eyes.

In a perfect world, her grams would welcome her with a glass of ice cold water and a steaming plate of food and her gramps would be upstairs, making up her room and laying out bath supplies she'd indulge in after a great meal. But, this obviously wasn't a perfect world.

As she was thinking of the warm, home made bread her grams used to bake, her cellphone went off in her back pocket, and for the upteenth time that day, Sonny plucked it out, her thumb over the ignore button, when she re-read the name on the display screen- TAWNI. She answered it instead.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Sonny! It's Tawni. How are things?" came the blonde's bubbly voice. Sonny could hear conversation in the background, mostly what seemed to be arguing.

"They could be better I suppose. What's going on there?" Sonny strained to hear what the voices were saying, but they were muffled and seemed to be getting farther and farther away.

"Oh, nothing," came Tawni's not-so-subtle reply. "Are you at your grandparent's house yet?" and at the question, her voice rose in volume. Sonny's brows furrowed together as she tried to figure out just what was going on.

"Yes I am, but they aren't," Sonny quipped, picking at the chipped paint on their porch. Just as she said it though, she heard tires over gravel and looked up to see an old blue pickup truck coming up the path to the house. "OH! You know what, Tawni? I can't talk just now. They just arrived. See ya!"

Throwing her phone back into her pocket, Sonny stood upright and smoothed out her clothes, playing with a strand of hair that seemed to be too stubborn to stay in it's place. And when the older gentleman stepped out of the truck and turned to look at her, both her eyes and his widened.

--

"What do you mean, 'they moved'?" Sonny asked, bewildered.

"Just what I said. Your grandfather got sick, and they moved back out to Wisconsin to be closer to family and for a specific nursing home they were both familiar with," replied the older man, whose name was Jack. Next to him, across from Sonny at the kitchen table, sat Jack's son, Caleb, who was a couple years older than Sonny. He seemed to be completely the opposite of his annoyed father, and came across as shy and quiet. "Did you come here all the way from Wisconsin? 'Cause that would have been a waste, wouldn't it?" came Jack's voice interrupting her thoughts.

"No. I came from Los Angelos. I... I needed some time to get away, and I thought I'd surprise them," Sonny said, not completely willing to tell the truth. She could only imagine the mocking look on Jack's face if Sonny explained that she hadn't spoken to her grandparents in over ten years, let alone come to see them.

"Well, you didn't surprise them, but you sure as hell surprised me," was Jack's response, earning him a light kick under the table from his son, who looked appalled at his father's behaviour.

"Look, Sonny, is it?" asked Caleb, the first couple of words he'd directed at Sonny since the ever polite 'Hello!' he threw her way when she walked into their home. She nodded. "Look, if you came all this way to clear your head, feel free to stay here. We have an extra room upstairs, back of the house. Fresh sheets on the bed, a robe hanging on the door, and you'll have your own bathroom. Almost like a little Bed and Breakfast or something."

Jack and Sonny just stared at Caleb, Sonny's mouth hanging open and anger flaring in Jack's eyes.

"Can I speak a moment with you Caleb?" asked Jack, already pushing out his chair and beckoning an ever-reddening Caleb over to the next room.

Sonny sat in silence, trying her hardest not to eavesdrop but doing a terrible job of it. She heard snippets of their conversation: 'What the hell do you think you're doing, inviting a strange girl in the house?'; 'It's only for a couple of days.'; 'Well, you're responsible for her, not me.' She scoffed at the last one, as if she was like a pet that needed to be taken care of.

She was about ready to reject the obvious forced invite, when Caleb came back into the room, followed by a beaming Jack who said, "Welcome to our humble abode!" She almost fell out of her chair in surprise, but nodded in acceptance, unable to find her voice.

--

a/n: Thanks for everyone who read and reviewed! I really appreciate it. This story is going in a completely different direction than originally planned, and I can only blame that on a change of atmosphere from when I first started writing it.

Please read and review :) That is all - Danni 3


	3. Chapter 3

Sonny was awoken several times that night from strange noises in the house- this was just one of those things she absolutely hated about sleeping somewhere else. The loud ticking of the grandfather clock downstairs in the living room; the creak of the uneven floorboards under Jack's old cat Jack Jr.'s heavy steps; the wind blowing through the drying leaves outside. It didn't matter how many times Sonny twisted and turned, how many different positions she took on the bed, sleep was just not coming to her.

Her guitar gleamed in the light from the moon, sitting on the chair in the corner of the room. Sonny wasn't aware quite how long she had been looking at it, but after what she assumed was over an hour, she got up off the bed and quietly tip-toed over to her guitar, sweeping it up, and tip toed the rest of the way out of her room, down the stairs and out onto the back porch.

Taking a moment to sit cross-legged on the stairs and revel in the soft breeze and unusually warm evening, Sonny thought about moments just like this before, from years ago. Looking out across the lawn, she didn't see the long dark shadows of the trees, but a soft light shining through them, the sun setting over the horizon.

"Come in please, Sonny! It's time to get ready for bed. You are not being a great influence there, Sean, letting her frolic around on the dirty ground," came her grandmother's voice from the kitchen window. Her father laughed beside her, picking the grass and throwing it into Sonny's hair.

"It's not dirty, ma! It's covered in grass. Besides, it's still light out and Little Miss Sonny here is having a ball, isn't that right?" and he looked over at her, his eyes shining, reflecting the free spirit that he was.

"That's right daddy!" she had cheered, clapping her hands and throwing her own little handful of grass at her father.

It was moments like this, the moments where her father and her had just hung out, despite any problems that had arisen, or were sure to arise soon. The moments where he laughed and held her, where she couldn't resist the smile coming onto her face, like just at that precise moment where she started strumming on her guitar, a grin lazily splayed across her face and with nobody else around. She started humming to herself, her notes winding themselves around the notes being emitted from the instrument resting in her lap.

After many changes and listen throughs, Sonny found herself with an amazing melody. However, as much as her heart had elated at the sound of the song and as much as she loved how it reminded her of those simpler times, she knew it wasn't the sound the studio would be looking for. It wasn't upbeat and catchy, something her fans would want to get up and dance to. It was from her heart, yes, it was personal and wonderful- for her.

Placing the guitar beside her, she pulled her knees to her chest and put her head down on them, taking a deep sigh and breathing in fresh air- something very rare in LA. She hardly noticed the footsteps coming towards her.

"You're up pretty late, huh?", came Caleb's voice from next to her. Instead of lifting her head to look at him, she just turned it slowly, her eyes drifting shut from sleepiness and a small smile on her face.

"I couldn't sleep."

"I heard you playing. It was really nice," he said, nodding his head to the guitar. "You a songwriter or something?"

"Kind of. You ever hear of the show So Random?", she asked silently, closing her eyes, but disallowing herself to fall asleep.

"No. Is it a band or something?", came his reply, shrugging innocently.

"Nope. It's a comedy sketch show. But, we sing sometimes. And I am the songwriter for the show. See, since we've introduced the musical numbers, the viewers expect it. Plus, we've gained attention and upped our ratings. But, the past few weeks have been.. harder than the others," Sonny said, opening her eyes slowly and feeling surprised when she saw Caleb staring back at her.

"Harder how?", he asked, mirroring her pose, their bodies forming a 'T'.

"There have been.. issues. I don't know quite how I can explain them. My boyfriend has become more distant lately. I am not quite sure why. And the stress and pressure I've been feeling, paired with the questions I have for him about our relationship has basically stumped my song writing ability."

"So.. that's why you're here, right? You wanted to get away from that stress and write? Does your boyfriend like the idea of being here in a house with a man and his son?", laughed Caleb, shaking his head and coming back to meet her gaze.

There was a pause of silence where Sonny wondered what exactly Chad would think when- or if- she told him. She couldn't picture his reaction and that shook her a little. Would he be angry? Or indifferent? Think it was a good idea for the sake of the show? Or for her own sake?

"I haven't told him yet. In fact, he's not exactly sure where I am right now."

"You mean to tell me, you are so worried about your relationship, but you didn't talk to him about your questions and concerns? You left without talking?", and at that, he shook his head again, this time in.. anger? "Girls.. I mean, you all want us to communicate, and then things go awry and instead of talking about it, you run off and expect us to come to you, to pick up all the pieces without your help?"

"Hey now! I know that what I did might be a little sketchy, but don't be taking your anger about some girl out on me!", Sonny whisper-yelled. She scratched her forehead and turned to face him full on. "Look, I know I shouldn't have run. I know talking might have been better. But, I almost feel lost. I needed to go somewhere familiar. So, I came here."

Silence passed between them again, a silence filled with confusion and regret and littered with fatigue and frustration. The two of them had their own thoughts and inquiries, both would remain unanswered and empty for the evening.

"I'm sorry for taking all of that out on you. Long story," Caleb shrugged, moving to stand. He offered Sonny his hand, which she took to help pull herself out of her position on the squeaky steps. "We will leave it to another day though, another evening full of confessions."

Sonny laughed, brushing off the seat of her pants and followed him inside. "To another night then."

Sonny's dreams for the rest of the night were full of mixed messages. Some were dreams she'd had before, containing scenes from her past, often visited on the nights where she allowed herself to remember. Some were of strange occurrences, most of which contained trains and arriving on time. Sonny wasn't one to often believe in dream analysis, but she knew that her unconscious was trying to tell her something. What that something was, that's what she wanted to know.

When she awoke the next morning, she realized she needed to do multiple things: she needed to call Chad, to talk to him like Caleb had told her to do, like she knew she was supposed to; she also needed more time. Pulling out two pieces of paper from the desk across the room from her bed, she sat down and addressed one to Chad, and one to Marshall and the gang back at the lot. And then, she began to write.

a/n: I hope you like it. I promise Chad will be in the next chapter. :) Please read and review!


	4. note

Sorry guys! All summer long, I've tried to come back to this story and write and it's just not coming along. However, I am determined to write a sequel to Hate Passion Fury and Love Perhaps, so keep checking back.

I don't know what I was trying to do, writing this. One moment, inspiration hit, but it seemed like that inspiration only lasted one or two chapters. I didn't like the way it was going and how off track I was. It also didn't help that I NEVER wanted to touch the story at all.

If anyone has any requests, please PM them to me. For the rest of this month, before school starts, I have no other story projects, and lots of time to write a request. And, who knows. Maybe it will do well and I will love it even more :)

-Danni


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